Whoda' Thunk It?

Although it would seem as if I do nothing all day, that couldn't be further from the truth. I run errands (which is what all lazy people say when they spend a lot of time running the gas out of their cars), look for items I wish I could buy, exercise (which is amazing... I have managed to gain 3 pounds since I've been working out and just in case you were wondering YES my thighs still touch...whoda' thunk it?) and a myriad of other complex things I don't have the time to explain to you right now.
But I will tell you of a protest I am planning. It is against the Georgia Department of L_ _ _ _ _ (just in case President Jack a*s I mean Bush is using the patriot act to read my blog [For those of you who may need some assistance it rythms with that holiday in which we are supposed to plant trees {speaking of trees I heard a comedian say something funny, which means when I repeat it, it won't even be twice as funny...don't you hate it when that happens, he was talking about how you have a bunch of people walking around talking about save the trees, save the environment, can't you see the beauty in the trees when you see them. He said as a mater of fact I can't all I can see when I see when I look at trees are....well let's just end it there cause I forget and it has lost it's funniness already.) Services which should be renamed the Department of Incompetent People Who Somehow Managed to Get Jobs and Are Only Employed There to Make Those Who Don't Have Jobs Feel Like Sh*t. We could call it I.C. (Incompetence Central) for short. Because I had reached the end of my unemployment rope I did what every college student born after 1976 does at least once...apply to UPS. So I go over there based on a flyer that says SPECIFICALLY that they will be INTERVIEWING. Now I may only have two degrees but I think it's a rather safe assumption that when a company says they will be interviewing, most likely that's what they will be doing. BUT faithful readers that would throw the I.C. into complete chaos, and actually cause some of the unemployed to get jobs. Then what would all those people who are employed there have to do? Whoda thunk it? So as I signed my name to the WAITING LIST, which at the time seemed like a good idea since I would be INTERVIEWING, to wait my turn. After a brief game of Sudoku (which I realize is a game designed for middle to upper middle class whites who have time or the money to do things like have a game night, I digress...) my name was called, along with three other people on the waiting list. Although this seemed odd to me I figured it was a group interview...which got me about as excited as a Barry Manalow concert (not that I even really know who he is, for those of you who do and listen to him regularly if you start to squint to look at the page or have to turn the volume up on your office phone don't worry it's probably acid reflux). When we get back there, there was a guy with pamphlets in front of them, get this... he hands all three of us a pamphlet and READS DIRECTLY FROM IT.
ARE YOU (bleep) (bleep) (explicative) me? I backed the pimp mobile out of my driveway, used precious gas that I have to almost agree to sell my soul to wal-mart for just to get more, and drive down to the I.C. in GA heat (cause you know I couldn't use the air, I just told you what I had to do to get gas to drive the car imagine what I would have to sell to have enough gas to turn the air on) with the windows down which only allows the hot air to fill the interior of the vehicle, to have this Jacka*s read to me from a brochure! At this point I wasn't even annoyed....oh no. My annoyance came at the end of our "interview" when he then told me to go on-line and apply. (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) (four letter explicative) !!!! (You all can thank a certain Asian [we won't reveal her particular ethnicity] for my new found colorful language)
In my annoyance I have decided to protest incompetence. Here's what we're going to do. I have declared tomorrow National Incompetence Free Day. This means we will be shutting down the DMV, the Post-Office, BYU, and Sonic (have you ever been to Sonic's drive thru... try it you'll know exactly what I'm talking about). In addition to shutting down these bastions ( I just like to use that word not only does it look cool but stupid [to be sensitive non-smart] people just look at you when you say it as if you were talking about a fatherless child) of incompetency. to make sure you have some personal, well deserved fun I am giving you a coupon (pronounced qu- pon, not coo-pon, a coo is something that happens in other countries when the government ain't acting right) to give to any incompetent people you may meet. Fell free to cut and paste it, below the coupon will be instructions on how it should be used.

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would like to take this opportunity to personally thank you for all you contribute to the world.

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When you encounter someone who exudes an exorbitant amount of incompetence feel free to give them one of these. In your own little soul you can sit back and laugh, (btw that structure in the middle is supposed to be a large "I". Laugh if you wanna this ain't Microsoft word it's a blog) because you and only a couple of others know what it really means.
Ok so I'm not feeling particularly funny (I missed nap time) so I'm going to end it here by letting you know that the restaurant ( I spelled it right all by myself...everyone clap, no I'm serious clap. Please clap?. To those of you who did thanks, love and miss you, those who did not may you have an itch in your nose just beyond the reach of your finger) finally called me back and I start Monday. So I'm back in the working poor club!!! Woohooo.
Remind me to go off on people who talk about the unemployed/welfare recipients and what they are doing to our society.

I'm BAAAACKKKK (Is that too many K's?)

(7:17 lookee there a decent hour)Well faithful blog readers, sorry for the delay. I have sad news, philosophical deep thoughts, and hopefully some funny mixed in the middle.
The first item of business I'd like to report is: on saturday I rode (bicycled) 26 (yes count em' 26 MILES. Was it painful you ask? Of course not I'm BLACK PHYSICAL FITNESS WOMAN (duh duh duh duh [you know how the beat goes, don't front (for the slang impaired that means don't act like you don't know {BTW I expect that Irene Ota for sure should know what "front" or in the present progressive tense "fronting" means}]) (Just for the fun of punctuation and to irritate Jo let's add some more unnecessary parenthesis). Of course it hurt, around mile 15 I was tired and wondering several philosophical, if you will, thoughts. Please allow me to share them with you.

1. How is it that fat sneaks up on you but skinny never does? This wouldn't be a blog without me expounding on this profound thought. I have never heard anyone say one day I woke up and looked at myself in the mirror and saw a six pack. Or the ever popular I was walking through Chicago and a gust of wind came along ripped through the space between my legs where I could have sworn my thighs touched last week and when I looked down there was nothing but emptiness there.
   
2. Who decided that spandex was for everyone? While I believe we should limit all types of discrimination, some types of discrimination may indeed be healthy. Like what you ask(you sure do have a lot of questions today)? The 500 lb man that comes on TLC should be required by law to wear more than a loin cloth; If you have gold on the top row of teeth you have to wait until all your teeth rot and fall out up top before putting gold on the bottom; and lastly if you're daddy was the president that should automatically eliminate your dumb a*s from being the president.
   
3. When bugs hit you in the face do they thing you taste nasty?

Ok I will spare you the rest. Be warned there are more to come, anywho... So I didn't get the restaurant job (while we are on that topic THANK GOD FOR SPELL CHECK! I haven't been able to spell restaurant on my on for years). As reported I had my second interview but never received a call back about training. I'll admit I was depressed for a little while but I think I'm officially over it. My older sister (fictive kin Irene) told me that it was ok cause that meant God has something better for me. I must say I am getting a little desperate though. I thought about stripping but that lead to some deeper thoughts you may not want to know about.
Speaking of deep thoughts you should want to know about, I remember saying when I was in my EARLY 20's (I'm now and forever 27) that when I turned thirty (mind you which is right around the corner) I was no longer going to live the law of chastity (aka Mormon celibacy rules). Don't you think that's fair? Should I take an opinion poll.

All those who think it's fair that sexual activity after 30 should be good, legal, non-commandment breaking, and without consequence check this box: [ ]

The rest of you people who obviously have not thought about it long enough and therefore have established a different opinion check this box: [ ] (I plan on conducting my graduate research in the same manner just to let you know).

Anyway where was I...oh yeah getting job desperate. Well I still fill out applications every day. I even went to the department of labor services with my Mom, which by the way is a joke. A bunch of people with jobs sitting around telling people without jobs how to get them. While this seems logical at first glance really it's a lot hypocritical and narcissistic (couldn't spell that one without spell check either). Why don't the people who work at job services give up there jobs for a little while and then the people without jobs would have them. Besides the only companies who recruit this place are those who want to pay people nickels on the dollar. Which yet again brings me to something philosophical ( I wish I had one of those machines that makes things blurry to signal a flashback, you know like they have in the movies and on Scoobie Doo)

LIFE OUTSIDE OF ACADEME SUCKS!!! (how's that for philosophical) [I know Jo my parentheses are in the wrong place, but I'm a tweener [in between grad school and undergrad] so it doesn't matter] I wrote a while back about filing out applications and that whole work history bull-ish. Well in addition to that I don't know anyone who knows anyone. While we normally call this white privilege or nepotism I'm neither white nor do I know anyone name Nep. There are no professors to write me a letter or talk into giving me credit to TA for them. It's just me, out here alone, penniless.

Okay I'm done early with that rant. There are some other things that I want to talk about...I've been reading DuBois again and I'm a little troubled but I'll have to save that for another occasion. As usual thanks for reading and I hope you had as good of a time reading as I had writing.
Love and miss you

A round of applause please for the newest member of the working poor (me)!!!

(11:45) Well so I've missed a couple of days and I realized if I missed many more it would become a habit. So here I am again to solve a curiosity as to what's going on in my life.
I had my second interview with Papadeaux's today and the manager said he would call me tomorrow to let me know for sure what his decision is. Before I left the interview though he told me that he didn't see any reason as to why he couldn't offer me a position. On more than one occasion he told me he would call and let me know when my new training class would start. So since Jesus ( and I pronounce that in Spanish [which leads me to a point of digression... so IN JEST I want to marry someone Latino but his name has to be Jesus. The purpose behind this is so that I can name a son Jesus Jr. I laugh so hard every time I think of this, anyway. My Black Southern Baptist family would be so appalled that that I named my child Jesus that they would all out refuse to call him that. Hence my master plan that's how the Jr. would come into play. Instead of calling him Jesus they could call him J.J. And I and my husband would know that really his name is Jesus. Sorry maybe if I were to tell you these "brilliant" ideas they would come across as a lot more funny]) told me it would be so I'm pretty confident that I got the job. I would start the job Tuesday at the latest and would train for 7 shifts or roughly two weeks.
I would also like to take this opportunity to set the record straight. Any job I get while in Atlanta is temporary. I will go to graduate school!!! While in graduate school I will not work more than an assistantship would require. I am dedicated to my studies and plan to one day become a professor.
Now that we got that under control let's have a very very brief combo about a particular white woman who remain nameless that has received some special privileges as of late. Have you ever seen the movie "Friday After Next?" If so or not allow me to expose you to or refresh your memory on a particular scene. At the beginning of the movie they introduce the main characters parents and uncle with a new family business called Bro's Barbecue. The slogan at Bro's Barbecue is "Barbecue so good you'll want to slap yo momma." Then the main character's father does in fact, much to the surprise of his mother, slap his momma. The reason I take you to Africa before getting to Atlanta (if you knew I lived in Smyrna 15 min from ATL it would make sense) is because someone needs to slap Ms. H.... oops almost said it, a particular white woman who will remain nameless' momma. Then I have an additional list, rather lengthy I might add, of white folks that need to be slapped. To prove that I am an equal opportunity batterer there is a Black woman on Fox news with a wandering eye I'd like to slap as well. To me her working on fox news is like strippers who claim to be working their way through college. Really?!? HELL NO!!!
Ok just needed to get that off my chest. I'm better now. The work outs have been good. I have been walking at least 20 minutes a day two to three times a day. As far as diet is concerned that's a bigger issue.
Lastly, since my twenty minutes is almost up I just want to say thank you for all the people who have been so diligent in keeping in touch. It has been so good to talk to my friends on the phone, via email, or those who have posted comments. I don't publish the comments because I feel like they are for me but it means a lot that you are showing your love in that way. Thank you.
I miss you all and love you. Have a great weekend!

Rest In Peace Dr. Dwayne Wilson

In light of the recent death of Dr. Dwayne Wilson, this blog is dedicated to him, his family and loved ones. May those that are still with us be comforted and may he be reunited with loved ones long lost.

o·ver·qual·i·fied (vr-kwl-fd)- Educated or skilled beyond what is necessary or desired for a particular job

Overqualified - A label employers often use on mid-career job-seekers who appear to have one of three flaws: too many years of experience, too much education, too highly paid in current or previous job.

(9:59 pm) Today I was told what every minority is bound to hear at least once in their life time. Exact quote from a Papadeaux's employee "You are a little overqualified for this position..." when he says little I wonder does he mean that I have a little too much education, or I speak a little to articulately (which I was told by one of my first BYU professors, who would also make an in class comment that SHE would prefer to work with men than women on business deals because men were less catty. Talk about internalized sexism...I digress), I carry myself a little too professionally, oh...wait a minute...it might be the two degrees. Our president has two degrees and he's a jack ass, so let's not assume that everyone with a degree manifests a particular amount of intelligence[please do not misinterpret the last comment I was in no way comparing myself to the President's dumb as* nor was I downplaying my accomplishments] Even though I was "over qualified" he allowed me to go on to the second stage of interviewing. I am so blessed! FEEL THE SARCASM!!! But really I do thank God for the opportunity it was all Him (Sorry friend I can't let that go) and very little of me.
Oh oh oh news flash...lets get excited!!! I met a guy today. He was Black, said hi to me first, I started to undress and he looked at me strangely and asked what was I doing. I told him that in Utah where I just moved from Black men don't initiate greetings so that must mean I owed him something. Ok so it didn't happen exactly like that. I did in fact meet a guy and he did in fact say hi to me first but no clothes were taken off, I did adjust my sexy chin strap on my bike helmet but that's about it. Due to my new exercise kick I went biking today and about 4 or so miles in I got a flat tire. Which sucks _ _ _ because I do not own a portable bicycle pump. I have one that is in the back of my car but it won't do me a lot of good. I did have the other necessities to fix the flat, which left me relying on the benevolence of Southern white folk. I would like to take this opportunity to share the fact that I have not said the words " I hate White folks" in over two weeks. This may be in part to my having been in the house for most of the day for the last week but let us not downplay my accomplishments. Anywho back to my story. So after some nice non-klan looking white people loaned me there bike pump I went back to this little shop on the trail to check my tire pressure. As I was doing that I noticed Mr. Mandingo...sorry yet again some more inappropriateness from Natasha Ball...I tried to mind my own business but as I said HE SPOKE TO ME FIRST!!!! We chatted a little and he said maybe I'll see you later. I was content with that since my being in Utah for so long had rendered me invisible I was now able to be seen with the naked (just wanted to use that word) eye again. So for all of you that continue to inquire as to my dating life, that's as close as I've gotten.
I plan on working like a Jamaican if I can land these two jobs (for those of you familiar with in living color just imagine the voice saying "chew chobs you lazy bumbaclot." For those of you having never seen that skit it won't be half as funny). One is at a place called Cryolife, they called me today while I was being told my intellect exceeded what was necessary for a serving position. I will call her back tomorrow to see what she says. That job is from 6am to 4:30 four days a week. Which would give me enough time to nap in between a shift at the restaurant. I am hoping the wage at Cryolife is good. I'll let you know as soon as I know.
Ok well I've exceeded my mandatory writing period. Thanks as usual for reading and hopefully I was able to provide at least a little entertainment to your day. I love and miss you!

Sneeze, sniffle, sniffle

[The picture is of Gigi quiting our walk,she decided she was done. The little dots...well lets just say there are a whole lot of ducks and geese nearby]
(10:40 pm) Close to the end of Gigi and I's morning walk, which was not when she thought it was (see attached picture), I had an allergy attack. I started sneezing uncontrollably, my right eye started watering and I was feeling ill for most of the rest of the day. I slept a lot and got up and cooked fattening hamburgers for dinner. I know all very boring but with no job and not knowing a lot of people in a new city what do you expect. People ask me how come I don't get out and meet new people, where would I go? Besides I'm only going to be here until the middle of August at the latest, so shall I start new friendships only to have to "end" them in a few months?
Speaking of new things...I realized I'm not a smiler. On Friday I went to Papadeaux's (the restaurant I'm applying for) with application in hand and I tried to muster up a smile to walk in with. I COULDN'T!!! There was nothing to smile for. There I was trying to show how customer service friendly I was and it wasn't working. It was so fake and contrived. I go back to what I said at BYU's graduation...if I were white and had white privilege I would have more to smile about. It's not that I don't smile because I'm unhappy, I am actually quite happy. It just doesn't "feel" very natural on my face if no joke has been told. That's funny (I'm smiling now).
I guess I better get over this whole smiling thing if I plan on working at a restaurant. We'll see.
Well I won't bore you with anything else cause really I have nothing else to report and my twenty minutes isn't up. Oh there is one sad thing to report. My college of education funding opp fell through/was postponed. The guy who I was in contact with said departmental money was low and that he wouldn't know anything else until the middle of July. I'm not really worried or concerned though. I have a partial assistantship through my department (doesn't that sound funny, something else to smile about, "my department") and I am still receiving emails about other assistantship opportunities. I guess I'm a little disappointed because I felt so good/right about the college of ed assistantship. Maybe I'll contact the professor who put me in touch with this other guy and see if she has any leads.
I guess Don Asher (ask Jo Hinsdale) was right, relaxing your summer between grad school is fun for about a week and then you just want to slit your wrists and get back to work. I'm not quite at the slitting of the wrists yet but I'm finding it difficult just sitting around. I do read a little but nothing exciting. Don't worry I'll be wishing for this down time once I'm busting my hump in the food service industry. Don't worry Irene I remember that article about the rules of working too hard and not working hard enough.
O.K. I know this was boring but you could have stopped reading at any time. I will not take accountability for ...whatever. Now I'm writing like a crazy person. Good night.

Job applications are for the middle class!!!

"To be a poor man (or woman for Irene) is hard, but to be a poor race in a lad of dollars is the very bottom of hardships." ~William Edward Burghardt DuBois

(11:36pm) This will constitute the entry for the weekend. Today was washing clothes, clothes, and more clothes (Who ever knew I could have so many clothes) and the continuance of filing out job applications. What bothers me about job applications is the previous employment section. It is so long an arduous. do they really intend to call all three of those jobs? It would be different if I were applying to a fortune 500 company but IT'S A RESTERAUNT. Not even Ruth's Chris but Papaduex's. Whatever! So I did it and when I went to turn it in I found out they don't conduct interviews till Tuesday - Thursday from 3 to 5. Good thing I'm independently wealthy and don't need money right away. We all know this is the man (white of course) trying to hold this strong black woman down (In case you thought I had gone soft on you:0)!!!
So we'll see, I plan on participating in my part of capitalism and hopefully making enough for a deposit on an apartment. Which brings me to my next point. Before I left I was thinking about buying a house in College Station since I will be there for 5 years or more. Today before my application adventure I went to the library to check out some books that teach you how to buy a house. While there I got the distinct impression by my spiritual deity which will remain genderless (via suggestion from a close and beloved friend. In response to your query my Mormonism has conditioned me to believe that God is both male and white. I'm shedding the white part but the male will be harder to get rid of) whispered to me that I should save rent for the first year and save up enough to maybe make a 10% down payment. As a result my housing plans are on hold. I can't say I was disappointed but rather now I'm back to square one on finding a rental place that accepts dogs and has enough space to let my baby walk around in without being snagged ("again" for those of you who know the story, for those who don't disregard I'm crazy).
I do have a semi inspirational story to tell for anyone who needs a pick up. So I had run out of money, because I have recently come to the realization that I suck at money management, and my mom had loaned me $100. This was supposed to get me from Baton Rouge LA to Smyrna GA in my gas gussling, enviornment ruining, uhaul discriminated against, suv. In need of a serious oil change and $60 or so dollars left I hit the road. I had made it to the GA state line and the little red stick had gotten closer to the E than I was comfortable with. After filling up in Montgomery and getting a slice of pizza and two bags of chips (which I did not consume all of in one setting thank you very much) I was down to roughly $6 and some change. The gas varied depending on the exit. Some were as high as $3.15 while I inadvertently passed one for $2.99. Getting off to check was only burning up more gas, to make a really long story shorter God blessed me. I found a dollar ( and for me to find money is like a White person shunning their privilege, not impossible but highly unlikely bordering on miraculous) which brought my total cash flow to $7.75 exactly, which is what went into my tank. God and fumes got me to my Mom's house and my truck has sat in the driveway barren ever since. So the moral of this story boys and girls is God doth provide.
About the quote up at the top eventhough I returned my house buying books I did check out some DuBois which has been on my list of things to read. I made some goals for myself.

• Read at least 10 books this summer
• Read my scriptures every day
• Brush up on my Spanish
• Lose weight (not so I can fit in to the white standard of beauty but rather I no longer have the elevation to blame when I get winded walking up stairs or up hill)
• Write for 20 minutes a day (Thanks Mary Jo, this one was cause of you)
• Save at least 40% of my income
• Pay off some debts
  

I'll be sure to let you know how it goes. I plan on trying to relax too, I've been told to do that by my other sister (DLDL). It seems like a lot and it is, if it didn't seem like doing too much it would be me (smile). Ok it's late and I can't complain of jet lag. Thanks for reading!!!